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Gameday: Wizards vs. Cavs – The ugly girl with the nice personality


Cavaliers (16-33) at Wizards (24-24)

February 7, 2014 at 7:00 PM
Verizon Center, Washington, DC
TV: CSN Washington
Radio: 106.7FM The Fan


Projected starting lineups:


C- Marcin Gortat
PF- Nene
SF- Trevor Ariza
SG- Bradley Beal
PG- John Wall


C- Anderson Varejao
PF- Tristan Thompson
SF- Luol Deng
SG- Jarrett Jack
PG- Kyrie Irving


Who’s hurt?

Al Harrington -out (knee)

Carrick Felix – out (knee)
Kyrie Irving – game-time Decision (illness)


This is the biggest game of the year for the Washington Wizards thus far. Wait, who are they playing again? Yes, the Cleveland Cavaliers. No, you didn’t take a DeLorean back to 2007. Yes, “The Decision” still happened and Lebron James is a proud (well…) member of the Miami Heat. Yes, the Cleveland Cavaliers lost to a Lakers team a couple days ago that saw Robert Sacre foul out of the game, only to be reinstated because of some intriguing rule that allowed Sacre to continue with six fouls just as long as the Lake Show was comfortable incurring a technical with every penalty he committed. In essence, the Cavs lost to a Laker team that for a moment had only four available players. The Cavaliers are really, really bad.

Ample bench seating and a 20+ point lead in Cleveland deserves a nap.
Ample bench seating and a 20+ point lead in Cleveland deserves a nap.

I’m worried. I’m terrified. I might even bet on the Cavs. Any takers?

I know what you’re going to say. The Wizards just beat four upper echelon teams in a very recent frame of time. Four teams that can take superhuman form. Four teams that the Wizards didn’t just beat, but beat up on.

That’s the problem though. The Wizards are merely human. They hold the flaw that all humans have the tendency to act on, or not act on to be more specific. They’re complacent. The Wizards are like a man who loves “the chase.” They spent the last four or five nights at the club putting on their most manly cologne and using their best pick-up lines on the exotic and seemingly unattainable beauties of Miami, Golden State, Oklahoma City, and Portland. That was a challenge to them. Their best friends told them it was “impossible.”

“Dude. She’s from the Western Conference. She’s way out of your league.”

They wished them luck and secretly giggled as the Wizards walked up to the bar to approach the “hot girl at the club.”

Shockingly, they somehow looked like Ryan Gosling to the mesmerizing beauties that we all thought they couldn’t pull. They had intriguing convo. They listened. They bought them drinks. They let them know that they cared. Everyone’s jaws dropped to the floor when they saw all of those lovely dimepieces get into Washington’s car night after night. They had a long conversation with the hottie who is currently studying law at Princeton named San Antonio, but came up short. We could live with that. We don’t blame ‘em because San Antonio doesn’t just go home with anybody. They came from a good family. Father Popovich raised them better than that. At least they talked to San Antonio until 2 A.M. and until the club closed. They might have even gotten her number. That was an accomplishment.

"I could be fun, if you want. I could be pensive, uhh... Smart, supersticious, brave? And I, uhh, I can be light on my feet. I could be whatever you want. You just tell me what you want, and I'm gonna be that for you."
“I could be fun, if you want. I could be pensive, uhh… Smart, supersticious, brave? And I, uhh, I can be light on my feet. I could be whatever you want. You just tell me what you want, and I’m gonna be that for you.”
[divide]However, not every night at the club is guaranteed to have those kind of women. Sometimes you’re desperate and you got to spit some game to the ugly girl with the nice personality. The Cleveland Cavaliers. You’d think it’d be easy after the type of girls you saw them pull all week.

Need I remind you, they walked up to the chunky girl with braces named Milwaukee and blurted out: “Is that a mirror in your pocket, because I can see myself in your pants.”

Remember when they caught the girl with the ponytail wrapped up in a pink scrunchie locking eyes with them a few months back? Toronto?

“Did it hurt? When you fell out of heaven?”

None of these cheesy punchlines worked. If the Wizards had the same hunger they had when approaching the 10’s at the bar, they could have easily pulled the 6’s. That’s the problem.

To be more literal…

I am impressed that the Wizards beat the teams they beat in this last couple of weeks. Let’s be honest though. Do you think Miami sees the Washington Wizards on their schedule and gets hyped up? When Oklahoma City is on a 10-game winning streak they probably see D.C. on their itinerary and think they can beat them with half of the effort they’d need to beat a team like Portland or Golden State.

I know you’ll say that we beat Miami in the preseason and they would take us more seriously this time but let’s be real. We all know that annoying guy who we play in Madden who isn’t good at all but you end up losing to with a last second field goal with two seconds left. He starts talking shit. He dances around in your face and everyone is standing by just laughing at you. You can feel the blood running to your forehead as you’re getting increasingly angry by the millisecond. You swear that you will crush him next time you beat him. You know you are way better than him. You’re going to do all of the things you should have done this game. You’re going to play a zone defense. You’re goin to run the ball. Next thing you know, you’re running four verticals on 4th and 25 from your own 11 yard line, down 17.

That’s what the Wizards do against inferior teams. They run four verticals. They think they can outrun and out-muscle inferior teams. They don’t execute. They don’t do the little things. They play to the level of their competition. They become complacent. A lot of players and teams in history have been complacent. Michael Jordan wasn’t complacent. It didn’t matter if it was a then great Utah on the schedule or terrible Milwaukee. He didn’t care if he was lining up against Joe Dumars or Joe Schmo. He was going to crush his competition. He didn’t care if he was having steak or chitlings for supper. When it was time to eat, it was time to eat.

How the Wizards approach this game against one of the worst teams in the league will tell us a lot about the character and heart of this team. This is the most important of the game of the season thus far. I’m glad they beat some of the elite teams in the league and it shows how talented they truly are. I’m impressed that you took home a dime from the club. I’d just hate to see you get rejected by a six.

Step your game up.

we are Hoop District

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