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The Wizards’ Series Finale: How will it go down?

Ahhh. The series finale. In what some regard as the Golden Age of television, the phrase is bittersweet. In one aspect, it’s the end of a perceived era. In another, it’s potentially a definitive answer to all curiosities and usually a tying up of loose ends. It’s not always conclusive, but it does provide closure.

In the NBA, the series finale is never set in stone. It’s TBD. It can be anti-climactic. Most of the time it will jump off into a completely different series. It can be the emotional and intestinal equivalent to the most awkward and uncomfortable orgasm you can think of. The ending of it can inspire emotions that vary from upset, disappointed, to downright ecstatic. Wizards fans will either be one of the two latter adjectives. If the Wizards lose, they’ll live, they’ll live to fight another day. Well, when you’re fighting against Deebo, that’s an outcome you’ll take any day of the week. Against D.J. Augustin and Taj Gibson however, I’d prefer they live to have celebratory dinner and drinks at the nicest lounge that Chicago has to offer on a Tuesday night. And if they do lose, let’s hope its not demoralizing. Let’s hope this whole sequence of events that led to the Wizards having a commanding 3-1 lead wasn’t a waste of time. Time is money and well…playing with my money is like playing with my emotions.


I mean, there’s principalities in this thing, Smokeyyy. If Game 5 was being played on a Friday it would make my references to the movie all the more relevant. For now, just appreciate that a blog writer for the Washington Wizards is quoting “Big Worm” after the potential penultimate game in our hometown teams playoff run.

Now in this case, the potential series finale could answer a lot of questions the viewing public has. These questions could be answered in Game 5. Perhaps Game 6. If need be, they will definitely be answered in Game 7.

Are the Wizards a contender in the East?

Is John Wall a legitimate closer at this early stage?

Will Martell Webster hit open shots in the biggest game of his Wizards career?

Does the outcome of this series either buy Ernie a pass or seal his fate as the G.M.?

Does Randy Wittman deserve some sort of extension?

Will Marcin Gortat finally draw a shooting foul as he drives into the lane?

Is Trevor Booker a part of this team’s future?

Some of these questions will find answers because it’s a closeout game. The Chicago Bulls will be desperate. They’re going to come out and try to punch the Wiz Kids in the mouth and Wall & Co. have to be ready for it. They have to want Chicago to throw their biggest shot and completely miss. They need to walk up to the Bulls like My Brother and Me: “Hit ME!” Once they throw their hay-maker, the Wizards can have them meet their demise and then pour out some “Goo Punch” for the homies. #OnToTheNextOne.

The Bulls’ playoff lives are on the line. If the Wizards can’t meet that intensity then people will want answers. If they lose Game 6, the media will want answers. If they lose Game 7, Ted Leonsis will want answers. In all scenarios, Chad Dukes will want answers. As for Leonsis, he’ll likely want them from anyone and everyone not named Trevor Ariza, John Wall, and Bradley Beal. Somebody has to fall on the sword. Somebody has to lose. Unfortunately for the fans, we all lose. You know the feeling. Cue the chorus to *Don’t Speak* by No Doubt. #WizardsNation ain’t no Holla Back Girls. A few times we’ve been around that track so it’s not just gonna happen like that.

Nene missed last game so he needs to add the 35 minutes he would have played last game to the minutes he’ll play in Game 5 and condense the effort into one performance. Gortat needs to… I don’t know…make a layup? Randy Wittman needs to let Andre Miller finally capitalize on the clutch 4th quarter he had in Game 1. Trevor Ariza needs to walk up the court completely unguarded and make open three pointers.


The Bulls don’t want a series finale. They want to draw this thing out until the very end. They want Rust Cohle and Martin Hart to take a weeks vacation before they go on a hunt for the Yellow King. They want Heisenberg to hide out for a few more days. They want Tony Soprano to give Phil Leotardo and New York whatever he can to avoid an all out war between the families. They want compromise.

But there won’t be no compromise. The Wizards have to have a sense of abrupt finality. The Yellow King has to go. Heisenberg needs to undo all of his wrongs. No “manicot” for anybody. Just grilled cheese off the radiator. And if you get lonely Bulls and Bulls fans, here’s a box of tissues. You see where I’m going with this?

we are Hoop District

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