“To be the man, you gotta beat the man!”
A profound statement by one of sports greatest athletes and performers, and a two time Hall of Famer. Every great competitor echoes the same sentiment. Ali had to beat Frazier. Jordan had to beat Magic. Tiger has to pass Jack. Someone has to beat Usain Bolt.
If you want the title of “best in the game,” you’ve to knock out the “best in the game.”
John Wall? He’s coming for that title. Best pound for pound player in the NBA? Best pure point guard in the NBA? Best two-way point guard in the NBA? Nah. Just the straight up best point guard in the NBA, the most coveted positional belt in basketball.
Everyone wants the title. But only one can wear the undisputed* title belt.
“To be the man, you gotta beat the man!” -The Nature Boy, Ric Flair.
Wooo! Ring the bell!
Round 1: Jeff Teague vs. John Wall
John Wall has 1.3 million twitter followers. Jeff Teague has 57.1 thousand. C’mon Jeff. You’re an All-Star now! Not only does John Wall average more points (17.4), more rebounds (4.4), more steals (2.0), and more assists (a league leading 10.2), but he’s pummeling Jeff Teague in the social media world as well. And as we all know, social media is the world most of us are most concerned with these days anyway.
JOHN. WALL. #FckYourPG
— Hoop District (@HoopDistrictDC) February 6, 2015
Winner: John Wall
Round 2: Evan Turner vs. John Wall
Even Turner isn’t even half the man John Wall is. Literally: Turner averages 8.8 ppg, 4.3 apg, and 0.9 spg. In other words, two Evan Turner’s still doesn’t add up to one John Wall. We can only hope for the sake of the ladies in Evan’s life that this ratio doesn’t translate to other, um, measurements.
Winner: 50+ % of John Wall
Round 3: Deron Williams vs. John Wall
2011-2012: 16 ppg and 8 apg
2012-2013: 19 and 8
2013-2014: 19 and 9
2014-2015: 17 and 10 (leads NBA in assists)
2011-2012: 21 ppg and 9 apg
2012-2013: 19 and 8
2013-2014: 14 and 6
2014-2015: 14 and 6
Aeronautically speaking, John Wall is still ascending. Deron Williams is nose diving.
Winner: Air Wall
Round 4: Kemba Walker vs. John Wall
Kemba Walker this season: 19.0 ppg, 5.3 apg, 1.4 apg, 39.9% FG
What Kemba lacks in efficiency, he makes up for in shot attempts. What Kemba lacks in assists, he makes up for in shot attempts. And what Kemba lacks in FG%, he makes up for in confidence.
Basically, Kemba Walker carries himself like a great player. The problem is, John Wall actually IS a great player.
Sorry Kemba, you’re not at UCONN anymore.
Winner: NBA John Wall
Round 5: Elfrid Payton vs. John Wall
Remember when John Wall was a rookie who couldn’t shoot? Let me remind you:
Rookie season: 41% FG, 30% 3PT, 77% FT.
As for Elfrid…..
Rookie season: 41% FG, 20% 3PT, 42% FT. Aaagghhh!
Elfrid Payton CAN. NOT. SHOOT!! Not at all. It’s unclear yet whether this is correctable.
Winner: John Wall and his constantly improving jumper
Round 6: Jose Calderon vs. John Wall
John Wall is 24 years old. Jose Calderon is 33 years old.
Winner: John Wall’s future!
Round 7: Rajon Rondo vs. John Wall
Rajon Rondo just got traded. That means his first team didn’t want him anymore. Then he got hit in the face, broke his orbital bone, and is now out indefinitely. By the time he recovers, his new team may not want him (The Mavs offense has been statistically worse since acquiring Rondo than before the trade). So basically, fans of his old team are happy he is gone, AND fans of his NEW team are happy he is gone! You know who’s fans would not be happy if he was gone?! John Wall’s!
Winner: John Wall, his team, his fans, and his face.
Round 8: Ty Lawson vs. John Wall
The fastest point guard in the league title comes down to these two guys. However, that’s as far as Ty Lawson gets in a “better point guard” argument against John Wall. Ty Lawson is fast and plays for a 19-31 team. John Wall is fast, plays for a 33-21team, and leads the NBA in assists. That was fast.
Round 9: Brandon Jennings/DJ Augustin vs. John Wall
Brandon Jennings was on a recent rampage to turn this into at least a conversation (only if you were a drunk, biased, Detroit Pistons fan of course, but still). He peaked with a 24 point, TWENTY-ONE ASSIST performance two weeks ago. Three nights later, he tore his Achilles. And that was the end of that.
And DJ Augustin. He’s, well, DJ Augustin.
Winner: John Wall’s Achilles (strain beats tear)
Round 10: Jrue Holiday vs. John Wall
Jrue Holiday is a very good NBA point guard. This season, he is guiding an excellent New Orleans Pelicans team, fighting for a to a playoff berth in the brutal Western Conference. His numbers:
- 15.2 PPG, 7.1 APG, 1.6 SPG
Those are very good numbers. I have nothing bad to say about 2014-2015 Jrue Holiday. Some people (mostly New Orleans fans) would say he’d be an All-Star in the East. But no one (not even New Orleans fans) would say he’s better than John Wall.
Winner: John Wall (New Orleans fans agree)
Round 11: Patrick Beverly vs. John Wall
The ONLY way Beverly could win this is by dangerously (and intentionally) shoving Wall, sticking his knee out into Wall’s knees constantly, and/or putting his foot under Wall’s legs while he lands after jumping. Basically, doing Patrick Beverly things. He pretty much tries to stop the best point guards in the league by trying to injure the best point guards in the league. He does this because he can’t run with the best point guards in the league.
Winner: John Wall (but beware!)
Round 12: CJ Watson vs. John Wall
I had to look up the starting PG for the Pacers. Once I found out it was CJ Watson, I had to look it up again because I thought that must be wrong. It’s true. So yea…
Also, some extra brownie points offered by Watson himself:
That John wall commercial is funny
— C.J. Watson (@Quietstorm_32) October 29, 2014
Winner: John Wall (even Professor Miller would win this one)
Round 13: Mario Chalmers/Shabazz Napier vs. John Wall
Which of the following statements are true?
“Chalmers and Napier are both superstars.”
“Chalmers and Napier are both Champions.”
“Chalmers and Napier both hit HUGE game changing shots.”
All of the above.
The correct answer is D: All of the above. Unfortunately for Chalmers and Napier, “All of the above” occurred in college. That’s nice for them and all, but that was then. This is now. And now?
Chalmers and Napier combined: 15.7 ppg, 6.6 apg.
John Wall: 17.4 ppg, 10.2 apg.
Winner (2 vs. 1 handicap match): John Wall
Round 14: Jordan Clarkson vs. John Wall
Hahahahahahaha…..(breathe)…..HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA….(breathe)……(sigh)…..that’s hilarious. Smh.
Winner: (repeat line above)
Round 15: Mike Conley vs. John Wall
Do you know why Mike Conley keeps getting called “the best player never to make an All-Star team”?. Because he’s never made an All-Star team. Because he’s not an All-Star. John Wall is an All-Star. He’s been an All-Star 2 of the last 2 seasons. Mike Conley has been al All-Star 0 of the last 2 seasons.
Also, Mike Conley is left handed, which is completely irrelevant, but somewhat irritating because it makes his shot look odd, just because there’s so few left handed shooters. Josh Smith does not count as a “shooter,” but it does give Mike Conley some company. But not good company.
Part 2 Coming soon., featuring Russell Westbrook, Chris Paul, Steph Curry, and more!
*For disputes, comments, feedback: tweet me @aIRFAN_2 Best responses will be used in future columns, previews, etc.