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Bizarre Foods America: Wizards Get Stuffed in San Antonio


On this episode of Bizarre Foods: America, the Washington Wizards traveled to The Lone Star State for a smorgasbord featuring menu items from points around the globe.


After forcing down quick, microwaved meals in the cities of Oklahoma City and Dallas, four-ring chef Gregg Popovich promised a slower-cooked, yet meticulously prepared array of items for the road-weary Wizards.

“Hey, buddy, it’s been a rough week for your guys,” Popovich said to Wizards head coach, Randy Wittman.

“How about you pull that hot seat up to this table and I’ll give you a taste of what my team has to offer?”

Wittman sunk his teeth into the first dish.

“This is a staple in San Antonio, is that right?” Wittman asked.

Popovich nodded affirmatively.

“Very lean with a coarse exterior. Once favored by the entertainment elite.”

Popvich nodded again. He’d started Wittman with a serving of French Burrowing Dog, a diminutive animal with a penchant for its speed and ability to get into the lane and get his shot up over much larger opponents.

Tony Parker finished the game with 16 points on 7-9 shooting, adding an assist and a rebound.

As he finished his first dish, Wittman looked to his right and noticed a slightly darker meat, garnished with two types of herbs.

“Hmm,” mumbled Wittman. “Haven’t seen this one before. Oh, wait! Is this –“

“Yes!”, Popovich interjected. The coaches then said in unison, “SAN-DIEGO-MUD-HOUSE RAT!”

Popovich was glad to have added this item to his menu a few years ago. While young and boasting an antiquated cornrowed exterior, this dish has won San Antonio fans over with his gamey taste and ability to complement the city’s more popular foods.

Kawhi Leonard finished with 13 points on an excellent 5-7 shooting. Two of his field goals came from behind the three-point line, and Leonard added two steals.

Wittman was beginning to feel full. He leaned back in his seat, loosened his belt, and purposely averted his eyes from the commotion going on in the restaurant. His team was dropping food from their plates all over the floor, making easy work for the sharp San Antonio crew.

John Wall had gotten a dab of finishing sauce in his eye and Trevor Ariza hurt his leg and was now hobbling to the restroom.

Embarrassing, he thought.

“Look, Pop, I’m sorry. My guys just aren’t polished enough to dine like this. There’s a reason we haven’t eaten here in over a decade.”

Popovich told Wittman not to worry and slid him a final dish.

“Pop, I can’t,” said Wittman. “We really need to get out of here.”

A sly smile appeared across Popovich’s pockmarked face.

“Try this,” Popovich said. “Freshwater Cormeilles-en-Parisis Blubber Fish.”

Wittman’s brow furrowed as his picked at the food. The dish looked very familiar, but he didn’t recall the high fat content the first time he’d had it. After taking a few bites, however, the familiar taste came back to him. He’d had the same fish on a road trip in Phoenix several years ago.

Boris Diaw scored 15 points off the bench for the Spurs on 7-8 shooting. He also added five rebounds.

The Wizards allowed San Antonio to shoot 50% from the floor and gave up some very damaging Spurs scoring runs. The team dropped all games of this brief three-game road trip and return home for a matchup against the Cleveland Cavaliers this Saturday.

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