Life can merely be a compilation of ‘scowl-faces’. Very few 24 hour increments pass without some resented person, moment, or encounter triggering one of a variety of scowl-faces, be it traffic on I-66, the post-lunch stench in your office bathroom, and specifically for us basketball fans, a forgettable sequence of #SoWizards.
In the NBA, we’ve seen a myriad of scowl-faces over the course of many years, from many different players. If you’re as old as I am, you can date them back to Charles Barkley, Anthony Mason, and of course Rasheed Wallace.
It’s a given the intensity of sports and the melodrama surrounding every play can erupt a variety of emotions, often times instantly reactive, you know, the ‘spur of the moment’ type of thing. For some players, the scowl-face is practically affixed on their face and seemingly irremovable. Their constant displeasure and confused state on the floor makes it hard for them to evade the necessity of 11 facial muscles needed to form a scowl-face. Consider Kendrick Perkins, scowl-face GOD. Kevin Garnett during every Celtics-Heat feud. Kobe Bryant when vexed by Vladamir Radmanovich or Nick Young.
Not a scowl-face:
A prime contingent of #TeamScowlFace is none other than the Indiana Pacers’ own, and current Wizards front-court nemesis, David West. West has offered enough scowl-face expressions to paint a collage of them and display it as mural outside the Bankers Life Fieldhouse. The aggressive, low-tempered Papa-Doc from 8 Mile/Young Jeezy type hailing out of the northwestern outskirts of New York City never leaves us yearning for a prototype scowl-face. We’ll get one upon any given whistle, any extra shove thrown, or in the case of this series, any moment he’s overwhelmed by Nene or Marcin Gortat. Drew Gooden got side-face full of it in Game 1:
Although not accounted for in PER, analytics and advanced stats will prove that the more David West scowl-faces the higher the probability the Pacers lose. Based on my mathematics (I took Algebra 2 three times in high school), I have found that approximately 1.3 David West scowl-faces per quarter (in at least 35 minutes of playing time) renders a 93 percent chance the Pacers lose. Many attribute the Pacers’ regression after the All-Star break to Roy Hibbert’s faulty play, but seldom brought up is the underlying fact that the amount of David West scowl-faces has nearly tripled since February.
So that said, I leave you with a collage of pixels that will seemingly represent impending Wizards success in the second round.